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I’m sure you’ve perused a top 10 list. For those of you who haven’t:

10 places to see before you die (I’ve been to two of these. )
10 tips for a financial fresh start (Thank you, Suze Orman!)
10 most powerful rock ballads of all time

And now, my contribution…

10 steps to a more likable you:

1. Ask a lot of questions.
People love little more than the sound of their own voice. I know it sounds cynical…. Let’s put it this way, asking someone for advice shows that you value their opinion. It gives them a chance to share their hard-won wisdom. Most importantly, it gives you a chance to learn a little something for free.

2. Listen more than you speak.
When you ask a question, be prepared to listen to the answer. Nothing says “I don’t value you” quite like cutting someone off in the middle of a…

3. Dress for success.
You never know when your next boss, client, talent agent, boyfriend, girlfriend, best friend could walk through the door. Put your best face forward every day by dressing becomingly. If it’s wrinkled, dirty, holey, too small, or looks good in da’ club — don’t wear it.

4. Take breaks.
Give yourself time to chill out. Take personal time every day and do something you love. Treat yourself kindly. Give yourself permission to enjoy life. You know what they say about all work and no play. You know what they say about putting the oxygen mask on yourself first.

Take a break - have a lemonade, or whatever...

Take a break – have a lemonade, or whatever…

5. Seek praise rarely, compliment often.
Find the good in others and tell them you see it. Giving a compliment can feel just as good as getting one. While seeking compliment is just plain annoying.

6. Don’t gossip.
Don’t be that guy. If you wouldn’t say it in front of them, don’t say it behind their back. Jewish wisdom teaches – “Gossip kills three people -the one who hears it, the one who says it, and the one about whom it is spoken” (Pirket Avot). Furthermore, you lose people’s trust. If you talk about someone to ME, you better believe I think you are talking about ME to someone.

7. Smile Often.
First, it’s going to save you buckets of money on botox (if that’s your thing). But really, nothing screams “approach me” quite like a big fat smile.

8. Be willing to change your mind.
In any conversation. In every conversation. Be willing to change your mind. That doesn’t mean you HAVE to change your mind. It just means you are willing to, if you happen to be so swayed. It is with an open mind that one truly listens. When the mind is closed, and unwilling to be moved, one simply hears. People can tell the difference.

9. Reach out.
Be the first to say hello. My husband and I like to “hi bomb” people when we walk around our neighborhood…. Once you get in the habit of saying hi, you realize how ridiculous it is when you pass people without acknowledging their existence. Be the first to say hi at a party. I guarantee you’ll make a new friend.

10. Ask for feedback.
But once you do, remember #2 on this list. If you spend your time defending or explaining, you won’t likely have the opportunity to get feedback from that person again. Then remember #8 on this list. You may learn a new way to handle a situation. Now remember #1. Heck. Remember 1-9.

Got any tips to share? Leave them as comments below!

7 thoughts on “10 steps to a more likable you

  1. That putting the mask thing totally changed my career. I realized I was trying so hard to help everyone else I was exhausted and, well, not helpful to anyone. Then I was on a plane and when I heard the safety demo it just clicked. I have to help myself in order to help others. Genius! Good work Rachel!

  2. Pingback: When chasing your dream isn’t enough | RachelDorsey

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  4. Pingback: Persistence is the New Politeness | Rachel Dorsey

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